Frustration

I'm beginning to HATE that word. It's becoming a normal part of my way of feeling. I'm typing this while waiting for my in laws to come watch the kids SO DH and I can go to our church for the 'Fireproof' Marriage Study. I'm beginning to think this is not a good time for us to be doing it.

During the night Miss A was up with another one of her screaming fits yelling 'I WANT MY DADDY' at the top of her lungs. We've been putting a gate across her door otherwise she gets out and wonders here there and everywhere. Last night I just let her scream it out, eventually she got back in bed. Well @ 630 AM she started up again by saying to me 'mommy I get dressed?' I said in a little bit. And she followed with screams which woke C'man up and got DH and I against one another. I don't have a problem letting her scream it out UNTIL she started kicking and kicking the gate across her door frame. Or the constant screaming after 15 min. I think she should have been told, by DH since he rarely gets on her in any form, that this was enough screaming and it has better stop now. DH said that by even going in to her room or talking to her is going to give her the satisfaction that she got our attention. I do not disagree with that approach entirely just after 30+ min of such behavior is to long to not get SOME sort of attention.

What I got was a bunch of tears, crying on my part and DH saying he knows what he is doing. Me crying that she is disrespecting and while I agree with letting her 'work it out' letting her kick endlessly at the gate, screaming, etc has got stop.

I've read Dr Dobson's book, The Strong Willed Child, I've talked with other moms and I know that if we don't nip it NOW it's going to continue to get more and more out of hand.

Eventually she kicked the gate down and DH went in there and told her enough and that she'd better get in her bed. When she is quiet he will come back and get her, but only then. Well GUESS WHAT!! she cried a little longer and then went back to her bed and was QUIET!! But then DH went and got her and our day carried on. No talk about why that behavior is not acceptable. Nothing. 0!!

I don't want to turn this in to a DH bashing post. I do agree with some of the things he did, little as they may be. What I want to know, hear about, etc are do you and your partner have these kind of discipline issues?? Do you know someone who does?? Or most importantly, do you know a counselor that could help us in dealing with Miss A. And honestly I don't think distance is an issue if we can communicate via video, emails, etc. I just need help. I'd prefer a Christian counselor and looking on line via Focus on the Family, there aren't any in our area. Not even in Omaha that are listed on there web page.

So Much So Little

So much to blog about, so little time.

We are back from our long weekend away. Glad to be home. Grateful for the chance to get away and my parents paying for everything, but frustrated with the way family members acted and how my kids behaved. That my friends, my kids, is what I'll blog about. I seriously would covet any suggestions, support, etc you may have.

Those that have kids, do you ever feel like it's YOUR kids/child that is driving everyone nuts? Or those that don't have kids, ever have a child, or more, you really just can not stand? That's what's going on with me. I feel that Miss A drove everyone batty this weekend. She has this terribly annoying grunt she does when things don't go her way. Or she says 'I don't NEED TO', or NO or you pick her up to avoid a full blown fit and she screams. And while she screams you RUSH to your hotel room as to not wake the baby and all the way there family members are saying 'A QUITE' or 'SHHH baby O is sleeping' Or how about 'A share your baby with O' (o is my nephew).

You want to just shout out that you know this is frustrating but we are doing the best we can, where we're at. I don't know how many times I wanted to just crawl up in the fetal position and wish it all to go away. The nasty looks, rolling eyes, hushed sounds, or worse yet the talking that probably took place when you left the room. I often wondered who was the victim, Miss A or her parents.

The child hates being told what to do, or no. I just don't know what to do anymore. In fact I'm waiting for an email from a friend to see if she has any recommendations of who we could go to. Child/Family Therapy, Psychologist, etc just SOMEONE that can work with us. I feel that our relationship as mother/daughter is severely suffering. Especially when DH is around. She REALLY hits my buttons then b/c DH will give in to her requests/demands and wham there I am the bad guy.

Take note, I'm totally willing to hear what you recommend. In fact many times this weekend I said 'what do you want me to do?' 'How would you handle it?' mainly to my mother. But seriously you think you know something I don't, tell me. And while we're on the subject let me give you some tips too!!

So yeah, the weekend was frustrating for me. I felt hurt by my family members, and totally like a thorn in everyone's arse. I wanted to just pack up and come home and I'm quite certain others would have had more fun without us there. And also, how in the world do you keep a 3 and 4 year old quite while baby O is sleeping. I gave them my fan to run to drowned out noise (DH says we're getting them a traveling fan for Christmas). We stayed away as much as we could. Tried to keep play to a quite, and aside from any fits Miss A could have, they were VERY quite.

There you have it. Our weekend highlights if you could call it that.

Momma Said....

Ahh yes another post about 'momma said there'd be days like this'. I know I've posted about this in the past but here I am again. Struggling a lot right now with this daughter of ours. Seems it's time for an attitude adjustment for both mom and daughter.
I can no longer think/remember a day, heck even an hour (when she's awake) that there is not some sort of struggle. She screams/fusses/had tantrums on average at a min, 1/hour. I know she knows it's getting to me but trying to ignore it is becoming impossible. Disciplining her however I can think of, time out, swat, no stickers, etc, has no relevance to her. I really love it when we're in the car and she wants to watch a DVD. When I tell her no an all out fit breaks out. C'man covers his ears even. It's just getting to be like a broken record with her. Tell her no she'll make your life hell for a couple minutes. She'll regroup then an hour (if I'm lucky) we're back at it. Can't tell her to go to her room b/c she will and then fall asleep (if it's close to nap or bed time) trust me that doesn't always seem like a bad idea.
She loves it when we're out in public. She will scream her ear shattering screams so that EVERYONE within one mile will gauk at you. Although I'm quite certain many of them are thinking 'ahhh we too remember the days'.
So that's we're I'm at today. It's been a tough couple weeks with her. I wonder if she's not feeling well, ear ache? maybe her back is out? Or something?? or are we going thru another 2 almost 3, stage of life.
Or is it MY attitude?? I often times find in hind sight that maybe my attitude towards her isn't good? She sees and hears me getting ever more frustrated with her.

I did get some comforting words via my facebook and texts letting me know I'm not alone. I'm not sure if they help or not!? I want someone to come walk beside me. To give me advice on what I should do. How I should handle the situations. Someone that is far wiser then me in age and experience. Not sure where i'll find that but it's worth praying for. Speaking of prayer, I did pray last night OVER Miss A. As she laid asleep I knelt beside her bed and prayed over her. I must do that more often.

God please help me in dealing with my blessings. I'm struggling and really could use some encouragement.

I'm Cross

That's right. I think cross is a rather kind word for my mood this week. I've been woken up at 615AM by gravel trucks barreling by using there jake brakes for a good 1/3 mile. Lovely!! And even more so when you have 2 exhausted children sleeping. Or after 1 hour nap for Miss A they wake her up. Then there's the fact they do not stop at the stop sign, run others off the road (they stop for nothing) and they just go faster and faster.
I had enough and called the County Engineers office and the State Trooper. I wanted to tell them that if they don't slow down I'm going to get a bunch of nails and put them on the road!! I did tell them I'm 2 jake breaks away from hopping in my van and driving down the the gravel pit and giving them a piece of my mind. But i know they'd walk away chuckling and thinking what a B**** I am. But gosh darn it. We need to use this road too. We have farmers going up and down this road, 83 year old lady that uses the hwy to back out on to, and the heck with getting the mail. We haven't gotten it for 2 days! The more loads they haul the more $$ they get.
I'm going to start keeping track of what color trucks are not stopping. Since they are contracted out it's all different companies. Oh and I did call a County Supervisor last night and left a message. I'm not sure if he got down there this AM and jacked them up, or if the stinker ones aren't trucking today, but they seem a little quieter.

Then there's this dang wind. Holy moly it's like hurricane strength. I water flowers from the wrong direction and I'd be soaked. Oh yeah and b/c of the trucks and this wind?? you should see the dust they are making. I'm glad I'm not down wind from that or I'd have a bone to pick about that. Like spraying the road down to cut down on the dust.

Wait there's more. My kids are at each others throats. They are fighting over a Little Tykes pickup, they are hitting one another, but then just a little while ago Miss A was sitting at the piano singing 'In a Rich Man's World' off of Momma Mia. Totally cute. They sing songs from that movie ALL THE TIME!! I shall get a video of it some day.

This afternoon I have to take C'man to the doc. He has a bump on the back of his head. It moves!? My MIL thinks it may be a cyst. One of her boys had one. Of course they said it was nothing to worry about. But for piece of mind, I'm getting it checked out. The appt is @ 1. DH is delivering mail so I had to find someone to stay with A. Everyone was busy accept my mother. She will be coming to stay with Miss A.

And then there are the dogs. They take a lot out of me when they are around. Kdee AKA Fat Dog continues to be obsessed with the chicks. Mocha had a tumor removed on Friday and hasn't ate since then. She's licking her stitches which is upsetting her tummy, so the vet said. Of course DH told me none of this and i was about to take her to the vet this AM. Like i didn't have enough going on that I'd have to load up at 100 lb dog, 2 kids and drive 25 min to the vet. I called him back and said I simply can not do it. He told me to cut out the bottom of an ice cream bucket and put it over her head. I did so and hopefully it'll work.

Good grief, wind again. It's just awful. I can't remember it ever being this windy for so many days. It's hot too, 93 today!! At least there is NO humidity but you can't hardly be outside b/c of the wind.

So do you see why I'm cross?? There's plenty more but I'll spare ya. I think I feel a little better. Now I have to see what my children are doing. They are v quite.

I Could Spit Cotton

I'm so frustrated, mad, WHATEVER at my son right now. He has been such a turd the last 12 hours I'm thinking I'm going to run away!
Last night DH and I went to the city and decided to leave the kids home with our niece. Thank GOD for her, although she may be feeling differently towards us now. (read on) C'man decided he wanted to come with us, about 30 min after he told us he wanted to stay with niece. We ended up leaving without him.
Get home @ 9 PM. He's in bed but gets out. So by 930 he's back up in bed with no fuss. THEN this AM.
I don't even want to post this but I'm going to. He was in our closet taking his jammies off. I went in there to see what he was doing b/c he acted like he either just did something he wasn't supposed to, or was about to. Well i came back .2 seconds later and he had peed in the register on the floor. UN FREAKING BELIEVABLE! I flipped out. Luckily DH was still home and handled some of the discipline. When asked WHY?? He said b/c 'D did it'.

Ah D. He was over yesterday and when I went to the basement to check on them and someone had peed on the floor! D had done it!! Second time this has happened. Of course his mother handled it very well. I won't go in to detail but she was clearly embarrased and mad. So after our incedent with C'man this AM when I talked to friend i told her what happened. She said 'oh know, i'm SO sorry' she sincerely apologized.

I made C'man stay up in his room while I got my wits about myself and the day proceeded. Well it gets better, better not worse, well towards the end. We go and get groceries, no problem, come home start eating lunch and papa shows up to check fences (we are moving cattle to our place tomorrow). Thinking his pickup is like a snow plow, or something, he gets it stuck in the deepest snowbank within the entire field. Mind you 300 ft the other direction and he would have been fine. C'man says to me 'I think papa's truck is stuck' I look, ahhh yes son you are correct.

Papa and niece show up at my door. Papa freaking out b/c he has to be in town within 10 min before the lumber yard closes.He wants to use my van. My CLEAN van that not only did i get washed, but 10 min earlier had vacuumed. Dang it!!! I opt to load the kids up and say 'you're taking the kids with you and feel free to get them some lunch too'

They leave but not with more DRAMA. The stinken garage door will not shut. It starts off then stops. I must now figure out how to get it shut and fast b/c all the heat is escaping. Call DH he says 'push the button and hold it down' HELLO what the hell do you think I've been doing!! I end up having to pull this red cord which releases it from being automatic (or something like that) and am able to get it down.

20 min later niece comes back with my van covered in DIRT/mud/salt! They took it down the gravel roads. Oh man was i fuming. DH calls her as I'm getting the kids out (van is parked outside at this point) and must have asked her how it was going? Her response was the pick up is stuck, van was clean now it's not, kids are crabby and so is 'Rae'! No lie!! But as i walk in the house and see the pick up seating high center in the field, i can not help but chuckle. Truly this is how life is with my FIL:)

No hamburger for the kids so they are famish and gobbling down bowl after bowl of cereal.

NAP TIME!! A goes down no problems. I tell C'man he has to stay in his bed for a couple min. Hoping he'll fall asleep I head out to paint in the garage. C'man comes out and says something about 'papa going by'. He is back working on more fence. I decide to forgo the nap and send C'man out to hang with the 2, now 3 amigos.

Awhile later they drop him off and DH comes home. He takes C'man with him and off they go. Just A and I home now. DH comes home and I notice a cross look on his face, and C'man has a look of guilt on his face. Ends up that he thru this hard ball of some sort at nieces face and hits her right b/w the eyes! Oh man I'm on fire again WHY is my child acting this way?? DH says he's already disciplined him but then i hear that niece cried b/c it hurt so bad, as I'm sure it did! C'man was apparently being a 'wrecking ball'.

We ponder where this behavior is coming from. DH promptly says no more playing with D. I don't think that's all the problem. I think he's watching do much of the Discovery Channel. He likes to watch 'How It's Made' (that's ok) but when he starts watching 'Mythbusters' or some show where they blow up buildings, that's what it is!

We still are unsure what to do about playing with D. I can't possibly imagine my life without S in it. Generally speaking the boys do play fine. But it's the times like yesterday where it almost looses it for me. Tomorrow we are all going swimming but I'm wondering if we shouldn't go. But would c'man understand that the reason he can't go swimming is b/c he's been such a turd? Or is he overly exhausted causing him to turn in to this monster? Maybe I'd better take a look at what he's eating (no mac n cheese lately so not that) milk hasn't been an over abundance.

I'm clearly at a loss. Any suggestions? Have you been able to follow this entire post? Can ya tell I'm a little cross right now! It's @ 530 now and by 7 he will be up in bed no doubt. A will follow by 715, and then I'm making myself a cocktail (yeah right) and watching a movie. Did i mention we subscribed to NetFlix and I'm LOVING it!!

In the last 24 hours

I tell ya I haven't had this rough of a week since deciding to stay home over 6 months ago (adjusting to that was rather hard). We have all been sick, still sick with colds now, and ALL over tired. We all have managed to get on one another's nerves but i think my nerves are about at the end. I took Miss A to church yesterday b/c C'man woke up in a bad mood. There was NO WAY church would go over with the way he was acting. Since DH was still getting over the flu and within 15 min of waking up C'man AND Miss A were screaming I took her.

Would ya believe me if I told you that some people didn't even know Miss A was with me?? I had to play the piano so she sat on the bench right behind me like a little lady. She was just an angel. Can't believe I'm even using the word 'Angel' in the post b/c it's been anything but that for both kids.

C'man got some much needed cough medicine after a quick, and last minute trip, to the pediatrician early Friday evening. Thank goodness for late hours! While it makes him stop coughing which allows him to sleep, it turns him in to the devil. He just is ornerier then a doz pigs. He doesn't eat, cries at anything, sticks his tongue out me and is anything but sweet.

Miss A just screams all the time. I'm resorted to letting her walk around with her binkie just to keep her quite. It's her way or the hwy which it always HAS been but the last 24 hours I'm not all about it. Yesterday she was in her bed 3 times after just being awake for 2 hours. Timeout for her and mommy!

DH walks around like he's going to fall over and die. He says he has a migraine which sets me off b/c anyone that has had/have migraines know that if you have a migraine you are literally dead to the world if you aren't puking.

SO....this is just another glimpse besides the above that they have done. While getting supper ready yesterday C'man got a yellow crayon and colored all over the NEW flat screen TV, foot rest and God only knows what else!! Imagine my horror when i saw it and new DH was coming home any minute. Thank GOD for magic erasers.

Just a little while ago i found the two of them downstairs with Popsicles that i had meant to throw out outside b/c they were all yucky in our freezer. I found Miss A on the train table with hers and C'man in the toy box with his and his was ALL over him. And not only on him but on the carpet and did i tell you it was a red Popsicle.

I also braved the moods and baked cookies to which I'm happy to say for ONCE they did NOT turn out flat!! I'm ELATED about that. But the little monsters stole two of them which means they will now not eat supper.

So yeah, don't you want to come live at my house?? I'm taking applications.....better yet will someone please come take me away for the day b/c the next post might be from the loony bin!!

Oh and just one more thought if my kids don't make me a drinkin women this garage sale that I'm organizing WILL!!

Uggg

Wow what a night. I'm not sure what Miss A's problem is but she will NOT sleep. She has a cold, maybe getting some teeth but last nite was horrible. She went to bed by 7 after barely napping all day and at 1030PM she as up. I thought it had to be like 3 AM. I had just fallen asleep. I was so annoyed. I don't handle this waking up business very well. Never have, never will. I need my sleep, uninterupted too. DH has a cold so i now i have THREE sick babies. I'm sure my turn is coming. So, we were up till midnight. We would set her down and she'd play and be happy then in 2 min she was wailing. I tried earlier to let her CIO (cry it out) and DH came and took her. She fussed off and on sleeping a couple minutes here and there. Finally around midnight she fell asleep in DH's arms. I finished my shopping @ this online pharmacy store. The only place I could find A's binkies. So i took her and she immediatly woke up. At which point DH took her in the the bedroom downstairs and i went upstairs. I couldn't take it ANYMORE.

6AM DH wakes me up, he's leaving for work. A slept 6 hours of which 3 of them were restless. I came downstairs and of course she wakes up and starts crying at the site of me. Hmmm...i felt like doing the same!

9AM she is now sleeping!!!!!

Mr C man is watching Spongebob, one episode. Show drives me nuts. He is a little touchy too but at least he sleeps at nite. That is once he falls asleep. The crib is coming down and he's going to have to sleep in the toddler bed. He gets out of the crib. He loves his crib but if he can get out then it's time to go the toddler bed.

Daddys little girl and she's needing more daddy time. Obviously this was taken a couple weeks ago.

I'm tired, have had a neck ache and just need a break. Oh crap, i've been at this 4 weeks now and i'm already saying i need a break. I knew this stay at home wouldn't be easy but i'm EXHAUSTED! THis is the longest i've sat in probably 4 weeks, aside from sleeping. My patience level leaves a lot to be desired. DH is working this week at the post office so at least he's out of my hair. I can be such a schedule person. Doesn't have to be minute by minute but i like some structure. As in DH leaving to go do farm work by 7 or 8 and then coming home 5-6. Does that make sense?

No regrets a/b leaving my job just wish i could get a better handle on staying home, or on me!