early at em

I spent ALL day selling purses at an employee fair of some sorts. Man what a long day. Up at 6 kids to sitter by 7 and they were not happy with me. C man would crawl in bed every time i turned my back. A was happy to be woken up but that changed once at the sitters. We left in the dark.....it's been JULY since we've been up this early and here of lately i'm lucky if i'm awake BEFORE 7!! C stood by the van and profused loudley that he did not want to go to gingies (sitter) and that he was even willing to go back to bed. I left him clinging to the van door while i took Miss A in. She sreamed so loud it woke up the 5 kids sleeping on the floor and i believe the neighbors! Back out to bring C kicking and screaming in to which A was quite b/c she was amused with his screaming. I go to hand him off to the oldest boy and by the time i turn my back they BOTH are screaming, crying, ahhhhh I shut the door and thought thank God i do not have to do this every day. ( i also couldn't help but smile and say a day of not hearing that)

DH picked them up and i left the 'fair' hr early. Enough was enough i was ready to get out of there. Barely made enough to pay the sitter. Came home to the kids playing in the yard and they were fairly happy to seem me but knew that it now would be time to come in. More screaming and protesting. DH left to unload wagons and I ate listening to them scream, whine, you name it. I do need to call the sitter and find out what they ate for lunch b/c i sure as heck can't figure it out based on what C is telling me. A was sleeping by 710 and C by 730. They both have colds, as does DH. I'd rather the kids have colds then DH, what a baby....but anyway

All is quite and i'm ready to turn in myself.

Night night!!!!

Road Trip 101

Butt buzzers....hate them dam things!! You know those things that are warning you to stop....those things that if you go over at 3 mph will shake the entire contents of your fully loaded van so hard that even your teeth clatter. Yeah...those things.
The kids and I went on Mankato MN where my sister and her family life. We left Thursday after the funeral. Which was very sad as to be expected. I got stuck behind 3 gravel trucks for the first 45 min of the 3 1/2 hr drive. So when we came to those rumble bars i had to go very slow over them. That woke the kids up who'd only been sleeping for 45 min!! I just about turned around i was so mad. They were a little on the fussy side and who could blame them. They probably thought the world was caving in on them.
We ended up having to stop 1 1/2 in to the drive at mcdonalds and play at the germville they had there. I hated to have them crawling around in there but i knew they wouldn't make it otherwise and it was to cold to do anything else.
We made it to Mankato and the rest of the trip there was uneventful Addie did end up falling asleep again. We went to the Mall of America on Friday. Grrr....it wasn't so bad till we had to eat lunch with 5000+ of my BFF's. Holy moly..it was like a feeding troft. Finding a place to sit was the worst and then standing in line and then sitting down trying to feed to small kids while everyone is bumping in to me, kids are trying to escape and THREE times water spilled on me. Our own, but none the less. Do NOT attempt to eat in the cafe court. Go to one of the nice sit down places. Well worth the money to keep you sane!!
Saturday we went to a pumpkinland and that was fun. FINALLY no rain that day and we saw the SUN!! Unbelievable but we did!
Sunday AM we left for home and once again the kids slept for like 1 hr of the trip. We did stop at my parents tho which is 1 hr from being home. That was a nice break and really the kids did great sitting in the car.
I think my van is very happy to be home. My sister drove to the mall and p'kin land and i swear to god that van was pushed harder then it ever had been. Man that women is a crazy driver. She thought the breaks were bad on the van, i politely said no....i think it's just you.
But we did have a nice time and it was a nice break and change of scenerary. Niece 'jo jo- 12 yrs old, had fun with her cousins and they all got to experience first had A's lovely screaming!!
ok folks i'm outta here....The Hills are on!! That show rocks my world:)

I hate it

I hate suicide. Now seriously who really 'likes' it. Why am i even blogging about this!? Well we got news Sunday nite that DH's cousin did it. He shot himself!! Dam it!! WHY!?? Didn't he know what it would do to everyone!? Didn't he think about his father? His brother? his nieces, his family that loved him so much?? What was he THINKING!!!
He has been battling depression, bi-polar, and who knows what else for YEARS!! Probably since he was born some 50+ years ago. He was on meds but he's feel better and stop taking them. Once a year, or more, he'd receive shock treatments and it was being noted amongst my husband & BIL that this last treatment wasn't seeming to work.
I could go on and on about the last couple years and what has all happened to the poor guy but what good would it do. We all leave hard lives from time to time and while we may not have the depression, bi-polar, etc we all have our moments when we look from the ground up and think can i ever pull myself up!??
DH says his aunt is very bitter. I say she has every right to be BUT we can not begin to imagine how he was feeling. We don't know what it's like to feel so badly that you'd want to shoot yourself. People in this situation can't see past the moment they simply can't.
I can remember back to my IVF cycles and with each failed cycle i would wonder, what next? How much lower to the ground can i fall and still keep going. The last IVF cycle i did I hit rock bottom. I was lower then dirt, i was in the hole. I seriously could not see any sort of light what so ever. I cried in desperation to God saying' Why me?' Why are you doing this to me? How can you want to see me hurt so bad.
Maybe this is just some of what he was feeling!? Maybe he felt 10 ft UNDER. I dug myself out of that hole and stood up stronger then ever and said you have a plan for me?? Show it to me!!! But he couldn't see that. He hurt to much to pull his head up. His burdens were to heavy. Can you imagine feeling so burden you can't lift your head up!? How long had he been feeling this way? Years? Months? Days? Or maybe even just a couple min. We don't know. But now we need to pull ourselves up from wherever we are and look forward. We as a family need to support those left behind and encourage one another.
Suicide is tough. It's hard to put a positive spin on this funeral. This isn't the 2nd suicide funeral i've been to but dear GOD i pray it's the LAST!!
May he rest in peace. Peace from his illness. God loved him and God knew he was sick. God will clear his mind now and allow him to live a life of freedom. But his poor dad, his poor dad. To loose a son that you loved so much to something as tragic as suicide. I simply can not imagine. I simple can not.
I'll stop now as tears are welling in my eyes making the monitor very blurry.....will miss you Dennis. Will miss hearing about how much you love your dog, the stories of the college basketball teams you followed with such passion. You were a good man, friend, son, brother, uncle, cousin and master to your dog.

tough life

Hello!! Sorry for the absence. I really have SO much i could blog about that it's almost easier to jsut not blog as to not overwhelm any readers.
Last week was a tough week for me. Especially Thursday. Addison is not sleeping well at nite and Carson is extremely whiny and not napping well. Thursday was the breaking point for me. I cried more then i smiled that day. EVERYTHING was going wrong and i felt i was living someone elses life. It took all my strength to put one foot in front of the other. Jeff is harvesting which means spending ALL day alone with the kids. The days can get long. My eyes burned so bad Friday from all the crying. Do you ever get that feeling like 10 lb sandbags on your eyelids!? I do not operate well with little sleep. That's why i don't want anymore kids. I need my sleep, and like 6 hrs at least and would prefer 8!!
Things are going better this week which includes Carson taking good naps, 2 hrs and addie!? Well she's still waking up during the nite but i let her CIO. BUT i don't think she woke up last night. Can't even remember.
I had two purse parties saturday and that made for a pretty good day!

So today i somehow caught some of Oprah. It was Dr Oz answering questions from males in the audience. He said that sex 4 x's a day can increase the life of your husband. Shit, it's not looking good for J.

Edited to change the sex to 4 x's a day was supposed to be 4x's/WEEK!! I about fell off my chair when i saw i typed /DAY!! Man not only would he be dead, so would I!!!