BFF-E

I've often have referred to my BFF-E on my blog. In fact she too has her own blog. We met @ college where we both lived on the same floor of our dorm. I honestly can not tell you the play by play of it all. I'm sure that we all went the the 'GAG' (yes that is what the cafeteria was/is called) to eat usually as a large group. I'm sure that's where our friendship started. I know there were many party's that we attended and many memories from those party's (wink wink). As the years went by our friendship continued to stay strong.

I moved off campus my jr year?? and she stayed on campus. We still made a point of seeing one another. Once again, building even more memories. I'll leave that to everyone's imagination.

After graduation she was my Maid of Honor, I was her Matron of Honor. She moved to New Mexico, I stayed here in Iowa. She got a job teaching Special Ed, which she is DARN good at, I started my career.

She started a family, I wanted to start a family. And that's when our friendship was put to the test.

Friendships are often the first to go as a result of infertility. To see your friends get pregnant when you want to so badly, just really causes a strain. Is it right? No, but it happens. I still remember exactly where I was when she called to tell me about her pregnancy. Little did I know then, the journey i was beginning. I began to withdraw myself from her not wanting to really express my feelings. I was hurt, jealous, and really just wanted to be left alone.

But guess what?? She didn't leave me alone. I know dirty little bugger she is. She continued to call me from time to time, send me letters, etc. Then she moved BACK to Nebraska with her adorable little boy, and husband, and while I'm sure we both thought we could be closer now, our relationship could continue to grow, infertility had another plan.

As I started infertility treatments I really didn't want ANYTHING to do with any fertile person, even if it was my BFF. Rather then me opening up to her about what I was going thru, I found it easier to just not answer the phone, avoid answering emails, etc. It wasn't just her that I did that too, but others.

If i think back, I think she withdrew from me too. Probably at a loss of what to say, do, or even be. But she never forgot me and what our friendship was. As the endless attempts at starting our family thru InVitro began to end and we wanted to adopt, it was her that helped me get things going on our profile.

It was then I realized I really do have a Best Friend. I may not have called her that prior, but any friend that sticks by your side even when you've tried to not, (does that make sense?) is a friend worth keeping. She helped me so much with my profile I couldn't have appreciated it more. She was a busy mom, teacher, graduate student and wife, and she took time to help me with something that meant the world to me.

I remember one weekend she even came to visit me leaving her son home. That was so totally awesome, not that I wouldn't have loved to see him, but the hurt was to much to be able to handle it.

She went on to throw an amazing baby shower, with my other very dear friend, which again required another long trip out to me. She did such a great job of decorating and everything was just beautiful. I felt bad that I was never able to do that for her. Not only did the distance (she was in New Mexico at the time) prevent it, but the hurt would have been just to much for me to handle.

Currently, we try and talk a couple times a month. It's hard, boy is it ever. She is now a mother to two beautiful boys. And I mean that. They have dark eyes and dark complexion with dark hair. I always tell her her and her husband make beautiful kids. She is a full time teacher/Special Ed Coordinator?? (is that right E??) and a wife. She has completed her Master's and continues to take classes. Anyone out there with special need kids, please contact her if you have any questions. She is a HUGE source of information and VERY knowledgeable.

Last year we did manage a Saturday night away in Omaha, where we got a hotel room, shopped and drank lots of wine:) We decided we really need to do that more often!!

I know I've missed many many details about her, and our relationship. The main point, she's been by my side even when I wanted know one by my side. She is the only friend that has seen me how I was when I came to college, how I was when I left, how I am as a wife, a career women and now a mother. She has since educated herself on infertility by asking me questions so she can better relate to others who are experiencing it. She is extremely sensitive and caring when it comes to discussing those 'years' of my life.

AND THE BEST NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is PREGNANT! She called me Saturday night and after 40+ minutes of talking, she told me. There was no blurting it out right from the get go, and I dare bet, there was a slight bit of apprehension on her part wondering how I'd respond. Something she probably would never get over even if she was to be pregnant 6 more times (I don't think that will happen). She was respectful in how she told me and you know what???

I didn't have a hint of sad emotion in me. I'm healing!!!

Now my BFF-E is going to see healing in her friend!!

I can't believe I don't have a better picture of her. Seriously! BFF-E is on my right, my other really good friend Shannan is on my left and next to her is my sister. Really tho, is so not a good picture.