BFF-E

I've often have referred to my BFF-E on my blog. In fact she too has her own blog. We met @ college where we both lived on the same floor of our dorm. I honestly can not tell you the play by play of it all. I'm sure that we all went the the 'GAG' (yes that is what the cafeteria was/is called) to eat usually as a large group. I'm sure that's where our friendship started. I know there were many party's that we attended and many memories from those party's (wink wink). As the years went by our friendship continued to stay strong.

I moved off campus my jr year?? and she stayed on campus. We still made a point of seeing one another. Once again, building even more memories. I'll leave that to everyone's imagination.

After graduation she was my Maid of Honor, I was her Matron of Honor. She moved to New Mexico, I stayed here in Iowa. She got a job teaching Special Ed, which she is DARN good at, I started my career.

She started a family, I wanted to start a family. And that's when our friendship was put to the test.

Friendships are often the first to go as a result of infertility. To see your friends get pregnant when you want to so badly, just really causes a strain. Is it right? No, but it happens. I still remember exactly where I was when she called to tell me about her pregnancy. Little did I know then, the journey i was beginning. I began to withdraw myself from her not wanting to really express my feelings. I was hurt, jealous, and really just wanted to be left alone.

But guess what?? She didn't leave me alone. I know dirty little bugger she is. She continued to call me from time to time, send me letters, etc. Then she moved BACK to Nebraska with her adorable little boy, and husband, and while I'm sure we both thought we could be closer now, our relationship could continue to grow, infertility had another plan.

As I started infertility treatments I really didn't want ANYTHING to do with any fertile person, even if it was my BFF. Rather then me opening up to her about what I was going thru, I found it easier to just not answer the phone, avoid answering emails, etc. It wasn't just her that I did that too, but others.

If i think back, I think she withdrew from me too. Probably at a loss of what to say, do, or even be. But she never forgot me and what our friendship was. As the endless attempts at starting our family thru InVitro began to end and we wanted to adopt, it was her that helped me get things going on our profile.

It was then I realized I really do have a Best Friend. I may not have called her that prior, but any friend that sticks by your side even when you've tried to not, (does that make sense?) is a friend worth keeping. She helped me so much with my profile I couldn't have appreciated it more. She was a busy mom, teacher, graduate student and wife, and she took time to help me with something that meant the world to me.

I remember one weekend she even came to visit me leaving her son home. That was so totally awesome, not that I wouldn't have loved to see him, but the hurt was to much to be able to handle it.

She went on to throw an amazing baby shower, with my other very dear friend, which again required another long trip out to me. She did such a great job of decorating and everything was just beautiful. I felt bad that I was never able to do that for her. Not only did the distance (she was in New Mexico at the time) prevent it, but the hurt would have been just to much for me to handle.

Currently, we try and talk a couple times a month. It's hard, boy is it ever. She is now a mother to two beautiful boys. And I mean that. They have dark eyes and dark complexion with dark hair. I always tell her her and her husband make beautiful kids. She is a full time teacher/Special Ed Coordinator?? (is that right E??) and a wife. She has completed her Master's and continues to take classes. Anyone out there with special need kids, please contact her if you have any questions. She is a HUGE source of information and VERY knowledgeable.

Last year we did manage a Saturday night away in Omaha, where we got a hotel room, shopped and drank lots of wine:) We decided we really need to do that more often!!

I know I've missed many many details about her, and our relationship. The main point, she's been by my side even when I wanted know one by my side. She is the only friend that has seen me how I was when I came to college, how I was when I left, how I am as a wife, a career women and now a mother. She has since educated herself on infertility by asking me questions so she can better relate to others who are experiencing it. She is extremely sensitive and caring when it comes to discussing those 'years' of my life.

AND THE BEST NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is PREGNANT! She called me Saturday night and after 40+ minutes of talking, she told me. There was no blurting it out right from the get go, and I dare bet, there was a slight bit of apprehension on her part wondering how I'd respond. Something she probably would never get over even if she was to be pregnant 6 more times (I don't think that will happen). She was respectful in how she told me and you know what???

I didn't have a hint of sad emotion in me. I'm healing!!!

Now my BFF-E is going to see healing in her friend!!

I can't believe I don't have a better picture of her. Seriously! BFF-E is on my right, my other really good friend Shannan is on my left and next to her is my sister. Really tho, is so not a good picture.

Helloooo from Nebraska!

Well, here is my very first attempt at blogging. This is BFFE from Nebraska. I went to college with Rae and can you believe it was 10 years ago we graduated?? She's interested in going to the reunion this October at the Homecoming Football game...I'm not sure....we'll have to see where my DH is and about my children......


Speaking of college, I graduate with my master's in early childhood special education next Saturday at 9:00!! You're invited, of course!! I hope I don't trip or need to go to the bathroom in the middle. Nothing will ever beat the beautiful graduation we had in the Willow Bowl outdoors though....


I have an 8 yr old boy who is very active and onery at times, but loves to bury his nose in a book. He's reading the Captain Underpants series right now and should be finished by Monday or Tuesday with all the books (and he just got started on Wednesday). My 3 yr old loves books too, and likes to be onery like his big brother. He knows all his letters and I'm waiting for him to figure out word beyond the STOP sign....I will be chasing the 3yr old this fall up and down the soccer field as big bro plays.......

I'm a special ed teacher who has worn many hats the ten years I've been teaching...I started in New Mexico when my DH was stationed at the Air Force base...teaching autistic and moderately mentally handicapped kids in a self contained classroom....then in Nebraska teaching K-5 severe kiddos with multiple handicaps (cerebral palsy, autism, mental handicaps) that was very challenging and draining. I scaled down to K-3 when they hired a new teacher, and then I decided to go back to school per a federal grant....two years ago! Last year I nearly overdid it with grad school, teaching two Headstart preschool classes plus special ed for preschool, and my family. My DH was online classes for his MBA as well, which he got in June. Anyway, I am now going to work with families at risk (poverty, low birth weight, prematurity, non English speaking, and teen parents) for birth to three as well as toddler special education services AND some preschool special education services. Crazy, huh? I don't have an office to work out of, but do have a classroom that I can't "office" out of...I'm a homeless teacher and the district, like last year, is very lacking in concern over it, and the elementary special education teachers are of no support as they see themselves as overworked as well....so besides feeling a little down and apprehensive, the school year starts next week....but I think once things get started and lined up, I think I will enjoy it. It's just hard not knowing my hours (need to be flexible for the families and to do evening activities) to set up a babysitter for my boys....

My DH has a new job starting in 2 weeks that is two hours from our town...so we will go back to living like we did when he was a truck driver...home on weekends...but he is to be traveling...if he wasn;t in a dead end job (which worked perfectly since he took my 3 yr old to my mom to babysit in that town 30 min from here) and the pay increase is so nice...hopefully in a year we will be moving to the city (closer to Rae), but I hope for a smaller town around there....big believer in small town values....plus I'm a scaredy cat driving in a big city!

After the past years of online classes (two and a half for me, five for my hubby)....We still don't know how to act as a family or a couple...my hubby and I once in a while sit and stare at our computers....but we sure have taken advantage of running around the state and to Iowa and Colorado once we were done!!!!!!!! We enjoyed the Quasi Centennial at Rae's town, if I can figure out how to post picts I will....We loved biking, hiking in Colorado mountains with my parents and bro and future sis in law. Beautiful! We are going to a Kool-Aid days tomorrow and maybe to a waterpark...(me in a swimsuit...think of the poor gal Rae described....) next week to a minor league ball game the night before or the day of the ball game (lots of kid things...an enclosed playground, bouncing inflatables, fireworks on Friday or the last vacation giveaway on Saturday, people watching) and maybe a trip to the gorgeous state park....

Well I hope I didn't go on too long about me....


My thoughts on Rae and her family.....

About Rae...she's sweet, she's stubborn, strong willed, and has a firm stand in her beliefs...even if she does love George W (just kidding, Rae!!). Her kids are a blessing, and she's a great mom, and tries hard in all she does for her children, her hubby, and her family, and her church and community. Her words "telling it like it is" have comforted me and challenged me to be better by acting like my Jiminy Cricket (ie. announcing to my extended family about my church marriage was actually to be a wedded blessing when I was already married to my hubby...almost a year earlier by civil union per Bosnia orders). Rae educated me and gave me appreciation for and some understanding of the struggles of families trying for children (IVF) and the heartbreak and joy that come of it, and of the anticipation and joy of adoption....her strength has taught me lessons of life, and yet her "only Rae" moments have brought me to realize that my not-so-perfect moments (often!!!!) remind me that we are human too, and the fact that Rae can laugh at herself too teaches me humility. I admire that she set her standards for her job, and even though she enjoyed the work, she packed her bags to take care of her children (which were more important) when her bosses crossed her lines....I wish financially I could do that, but she did, and now is doing the most important job that is also the most difficult one of all: a stay at home mom....doesn't matter how clean your house is or what you get done, it's the amount of quality time she spends interacting with her children every day, and with your own kids I can attest to how trying and how they can push your buttons and drive you to your wits end, but how joyous and full of gratitude they can make you...how proud and to treasure those fleeting moments...

DH is a quiet, gentle guy who is very laid back....a good match for Rae's hyperdrive sometimes, they need each other to balance out...his easy going ways with the kids, easy laughter, and a good comforter, I bet. Rae, he did a nice job with the kids during the community church service, handling them well, redirecting gently and showing soft guidance.

By the way, I think Rae should post her beautiful testimony she gave at the community church service. I had a man come up at the waffle feed and ask if "that boy C'man?"....she moved a lot of people. Brave girl!

Miss A is described as a chip off the old block...a normal head strong two year old who knows what she wants....just think of how she will be in a tough situation later in life! She enjoyed watching the parade, pointing and smiling at what she liked...Who will win...I think the dark haired beauty will!

C'man is a sweet inquisitive farm boy! I was impressed with his no fear method of looking for eggs and love of the tractor. Loves to talk with others (I was surprised that he struck up a conversation with an old guy about the flag in front of the old school) and play and run.

The end!!!!!!!!!!!!